Surviving the Pet Sitter

The suitcases have appeared again in the bedroom. What can be more alarming? The last time that happened your humans made a big hustle and bustle and then went off and left you, am I right?

Hang on, though. As you cower under the bed watching the ominous packing behavior from behind the bedpost, let’s consider this rationally. How many suitcases are there actually? If it’s just one, things may not be so bad, particularly if you live with more than one human. So do some counting: are there more humans, or more suitcases? And how big are they anyway? Longer than you, nose to tail, or shorter?

The fewer the bags, and the smaller, the less trouble you’re in. If you live with two or more humans and only one of them is going away, it is likely that your daily routine and your comfort will not be greatly disrupted. Or if your single human is just going away overnight, things will also be alright again soon enough. Take a bath to dispel your anxiety.

However, if there are a lot of large bags, and particularly if you see clothes being put into them that are out of season—like bathing suits in February—then you have every right to be concerned. All the signs point to vacation. And that in turn implies the pet sitter. Not only are your humans about to abandon you, but they are about to loose upon you an unfamiliar person, who will handle your food and water dishes, disturb your litter, and perhaps even try to touch you.

Take a deep breath. Now take a quick bath. Above all, don’t panic. You want your humans to miss you, not be glad to leave you. So you don’t want to be yowling, tripping them, or throwing up on the carpet just now.

It’s hard to believe, but your pet sitter is unlikely to be truly evil. Nowadays there are even services that perform background checks on pet sitters with the specific intent of weeding out the evil ones. You may be able to get your humans to use one of them. You may also find that you recognize the pet sitter from last year. It’s never as bad when you know you’ve met and survived the person in the past. Even if it is a new person, don’t panic. You have the right to stay out of her reach. Try a live-and-let-live approach and it may not be too bad. You may also find that extra hours spent sleeping will speed the time that your humans are away. Above all, remember that they will come back.

There now, don’t you feel better? Take a good stretch and knead your claws a little to let go of the tension you’ve been feeling. You’ll live through this! And remember you have a secret weapon: if the pet sitter truly terrifies you when she turns up, there’s a surefire way of communicating the trauma to your humans. Just pee on the bed.

Some efforts at photography

How to wake a human

Humans are strangely fixated on sleep. Once they really get into it they insist on keeping at it for a long, long time—hours even! They are simply not as flexible as cats are when it comes to sleeping, and some of them are actually unable to take just a short nap, poor things. If your human’s sleep behavior is troubling you, it is important to keep in mind that your human is not trying to annoy you—it is simply their nature. Sometimes, however, you will need to be firm, particularly around breakfast time. If this is the case for you, there are various forms of behavior modification that can help. I list here a few I’ve found to be effective.

   1.      Find something on the bedroom floor, preferably something made of soft plastic, like a shopping bag. In a pinch, though, almost anything will do: a magazine, a shirt, a leaf. Paw at it. If it is a plastic bag it will rustle delightfully. You can have a good time playing with the bag until your human gets out of bed and takes it away from you. A magazine or a leaf is quieter and may take a little longer, but each of these has been known to deliver results. A shirt or a sweater will get an instant reaction if you can get your human to at least open one eye and if your pawing action at all resembles the moves you make digging in your litter. This version of the method is highly effective but does little to build longterm interspecies trust. It should be used only rarely.

2.      For the more meditative cat a suggested approach is to position yourself out of arm’s reach and concentrate on the message of hunger your stomach is sending you. Truly dwell on your need and the misery that you are suffering from having it go unmet. Open your mouth and give voice to the depths of your feeling. You may well find you want to pace around the room as you do so, the better to convey the pathos of your condition. Just stay out of reach.

3.      Here’s one you can do lying down. Get under the bed, roll over onto your back, and look up. See that lovely box spring? You can sharpen your claws and wake your human in one go. You’ll both end up feeling alert.

4.      This one is my favorite, but it may get slower results if your goal is breakfast. If your goal includes an early morning exchange of affection, it is the best one in the list, paws-down. Jump up on the bed and approach your human, purring loudly. Locate one of your human’s hands under the covers. Paw gently at the blanket covering the hand until it emerges from under the blanket and begins to stroke you or scratch behind your ears. Reward your human with a louder purr and give the hand several affectionate cheek rubs. If this friendly overture does not eventually result in further motion on the part of your human, you can try sitting on their face.