Are Vacuum Cleaners Really Necessary?

If you're anything like me, vacuum cleaners are some of your least favorite things. Humans just don't seem to care that we find these abominations to be truly terrifying. They don't notice the loss of dignity that we suffer when our self-preservation instinct sends us diving under the nearest chair when the vacuum cleaner enters the room. While there are many behaviors that you can train your human out of, the occasional use of a vacuum cleaner is unlikely to be one of them (although anecdotal evidence suggests that you may be able to reduce vacuum cleaner use if you get rid of any dogs in your house).

The really puzzling thing is that I don't think they enjoy vacuuming either. So why do they do it so compulsively? I have come to suspect that it may be a sort of misplaced grooming instinct. They use the vacuum cleaner to brush and clean their surroundings much as we use our tongues to brush and clean our fur. Lawn mowers, which are also terrifying but are usually deployed at a safer distance, seem to operate on the same principle. Somehow humans have confused their territories (that is, their homes and yards) with their bodies, with the result that they now feel compelled to groom their homes as well as their bodies. 

This seems crazy, but I can't think of a better explanation. If anyone out there has a better idea, let me know. There is an upside to vacuum cleaner use, though: there's less dust around to get caught in your whiskers.