Ceiling Fans

Dear Thera,

I have recently moved into a new house. My humans don’t seem to notice, but hanging from the ceiling of several of the rooms are terrifying bladed things. At first I thought they were some kind of huge bird of prey, but now I see they have too many wings for that. What are they? What can I do about them?

--Terrified

Dear Terrified,

Relax! Those are ceiling fans. The first thing you need to know is that they are completely harmless. They are not birds of prey, nor are they predators of any kind. Your instinct to cower as you walk under them and sense them hovering over you will wear off.

Opinions differ as to the true purpose of ceiling fans. Some cats I know believe that they play a role in indoor climate control. I’m not so sure about this, because I know for a fact that the hot or cold air in my house comes through the vents on the floor.

I have a different theory about their function. If you take a bold, face-on look at your ceiling fan you will notice that there are four or five points radiating out from the center. In other words, they are star-shaped.

You know that expression, Reach for the stars? These are the stars. If you look closely, you’ll see a little chain dangling tantalizingly from the center of the fan. It might even swing a bit, just begging you to reach out and catch it.

Ceiling fans are there to give us something to reach for. They are meant to be a symbol of hope, not fear. Reach up. Someday you’ll catch one.

--Thera

Job Loss and Your Human

Is your human displaying troubling behavioral changes? Is she spending her days at home when she used to rush off promptly every morning? Or is she perhaps failing to get out of bed at all? Is she sitting in your favorite chair at your favorite time, watching TV? Has she been startling you by bursting into tears at odd moments? If so, your human might be suffering from a relatively common condition known as job loss.

The symptoms of job loss are varied, and different humans may display slightly different sets of symptoms. Here are some signs to watch for:

1.  Changes in circadian rhythm. Your human may get up later in the morning, stay up later at night, and/or have insomnia. In extreme cases, he might not get up at all.

2.  Changes in vocabulary. You may notice your human using more of certain words than usual. In human, these are known as “swear words.” You may also hear more of certain other words, like résumé or money.

3.  Reduction in personal grooming. This is a painful one for a cat to see. Your human may neglect showering, haircuts and/or shaving, and laundry. He may also forget to scoop your litter.

4.  Staying home. This is one of the top signs of job loss. A human suffering from this condition is likely to spend much more time at home and may even display a reluctance to leave the house.

5.  Emotional instability. A human suffering from job loss is likely to cry or to lose his temper far more easily than usual.

Many of the signs of job loss are similar to another condition, breakup of relationship. However, breakup of relationship is usually accompanied by changes in which humans you see around the house and may include somewhat less staying home than job loss. Another similar condition, retirement, involves a great deal of staying home but is a natural part of human aging to which you and your human can both become accustomed with a little time.

Job loss is a distressing experience for both you and your human. It is important to remember that no matter how much they are inconveniencing you by occupying your furniture, neglecting your litter, or sobbing loudly, it is worse for them. The good news is that the condition usually resolves itself in a matter of weeks or months. The best treatment you can provide is steadfast affection. Your purr is one of the best medicines.

Stopping by fire

Stopping by Fire on a Snowy Evening

(With apologies to Robert Frost)

Whose logs these are I do not know,

I love to watch them burning though,

And let the firelight warm my fur,

While just beyond the shadows grow.

My human friend can hear me purr,

I look up and I blink at her;

In amity we share the light

And warmth and peace the logs confer.

The snow outside falls cold and white,

A dreary, wet, and lonely sight,

But here inside, when all is said,

This faded hearthrug feels just right.

The fire is lovely, warm and red,

And I have recently been fed,

So this is where I’ll make my bed,

Yes, this is where I’ll make my bed.